just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
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My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
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I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize