He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
