Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
