Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
