so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
