i think my tv is drunk
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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