God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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