Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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