i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
