I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
