How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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