Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
