hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
