saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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