sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
