Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
