Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
