You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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