We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize