im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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