return my video game
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize