Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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