im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
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You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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