Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
