I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Someone signed my nipple.
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