Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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