I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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