Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
