The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
