ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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