jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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