dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
