I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
