You smell like stripper and shame
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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