Moan for me like Helen Keller
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
