I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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