i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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