there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
