ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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