I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
