She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
