At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
