I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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