on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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