I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
