Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
