____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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