And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Everyone says I win the strip club
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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