College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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