fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
