Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize