Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
