My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
