Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
