You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He felt like a one man threesome
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
