I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Please, let me fuck your mom
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
