I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
