i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
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Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
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Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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