oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
