She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
