the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
