help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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