You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
