Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
