I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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