I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
