there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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