Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Alive.
So much puke
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
