Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
