So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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