ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
