We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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