U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
