i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I checked into jail on foursquare
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize