why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
