..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
