I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
