we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
