Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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