so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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